Friday, October 14, 2011

Maybe I'm just homesick?

I'm sitting here at my desk, in Central California, on a warmish-to-hot(ish) day in mid-October. It's midafternoon, and according to the local weather channel, it's 84 degress F with 43 percent humidity.

And the weird thing is, it completely feels like a Southern California day to me. The look of it (there are high, thin clouds in the sky). The feel of it. Even ths sound of it (the windows are open, as I refuse to turn the air conditioner on for mid-80-degree temperatures). The sound of the traffic on the street outside. It just feels like an average afternoon when I was growing up in Simi Valley, and then in Norwalk. Even the quality of the light looks more like Southern than Central California.

I can't explain it any more than that. There is a definite difference between the "feel" (and even that seems a strange term to use in this context) of Southern California and where I live now, in the inland center part of the state. It's partly a state of mind and partly how the air feels on my skin, but it's just different here than there. Except not today, apparently.

The even weirder thing is that this has been happening fairly frequently lately, where I will be sitting reading or watching television or writing or something, and I'll suddenly be overwhelmed by the sensation that it feels like "home" (which is what I consider Southern California to be, despite the fact that I've lived in Central California a decade and a half longer than I lived in Southern California), rather than like Fresno.

This is probably not making a bit of sense. I didn't really expect it to. It's just that I'm wondering if anyone else ever gets this sensation, with the very air around them feeling like it is someplace other than where they are at that moment. It's an odd feeling, comforting in a way, but sometimes kind of creepy, like having an episode of deja vu.

Perhaps it's just sense memory, and something is reminding me of something from when I was growing up, but it's buried so deep in my memory that I only get the sensation and not the specific reference.

Or maybe I'm just homesick for Southern California.

I don't know. It just seemed like something I ought to mention.

1 comment:

McMGrad89 said...

Ok, slightly off topic, but came to mind when I read your post:

Since I have been driving back and forth between Texas and Missouri, I have to stay at my mother's house in Texas when I get there. She is a news watcher. Somehow I get disoriented when I start hearing Texas news. I ask myself, why is a Kansas City news outlet reporting on Podunk, Texas news? Then it hits me that I AM in Texas. Oddly enough the opposite doesn't happen when I am in Missouri. Does this mean I am officially from Missouri now? I hope not.